


Mischief, Stupidity, and Sarcasm

by vanillaporcelain



Category: Glee
Genre: Daddies!Klaine, Eventual Smut, Implied Mpreg, M/M, Parenthood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-05-29 12:09:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6374197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanillaporcelain/pseuds/vanillaporcelain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Collection of stories and drabbles of Kurt and Blaine's journey through parenthood with their triplet daughters: Hepburn, Alexa, and Lucy. Brace yourselves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Alright, girls listen up! You all know what tomorrow is, right?” Kurt said while the triplets all gathered around the kitchen table.

“How could we not? While we were shopping yesterday you bought 2 boxes of condoms and 3 bottles of lube and asked me to get the Ultra-Thin ones before the store closed,” Alexa said, shaking her head trying to erase the mere thought of her two dads doing the ‘frickle-frackle’ as her sister Hepburn like to call it. “-which probably meant that one of your birthdays are coming up.”

“Well… yes. ANYWAYS, I thought it would be really sweet if we surprised your father with, you know, a party of some sort.”

“Dad, I think you’re becoming slightly negligent of the fact that Papa is currently in his mid-thirties. Aren’t surprise parties a little juvenile?” Lucy asked monotonously, re-fixing her large framed glasses. “Why can’t you just buy him a new watch, or some snazzy-looking bowtie?”

“Or buy him a vinyl record of Katy Perry’s Greatest Hits?” Hepburn suggested, hoping for an agreement. Kurt shrugged and sighed.

“Well I’ve bought him all of those for his previous birthdays, and I don’t know...” Kurt said apprehensively.  “Your father has always been the more sentimental one, always buying me romantic gifts, throwing extravagant parties…”

“Yeah he did throw some awesome parties! Remember the ‘Night in the City’ themed one Luce?” “I really liked the ‘Fashion Week’ theme, I don’t think anyone could top the Louis Vuitton cake Papa ordered for Dad.”

“-or that damn Laminated Saffiano Palazzo Tote he bought for me that costs almost two thousand dollars!” Kurt shrieked. “That man is insane!” He speed walked around the room, looking around the room as if an idea will emerge from the floor or the walls. “-I’m sorry, it’s just that I just feel bad because your father is such a sweet, sweet man and I don’t know how I could reciprocate that—“

“We’ll help you, Dad!” Alexa exclaimed, jumping out of her chair.

“We are?”

Yes! We are! Papa isn’t going to come home until midnight today, so you can go to the mall and find something nice for him and then we’ll stay home and bake a cake or something!” Kurt looked at his oldest daughter skeptically, knowing the shenanigans that she might be coming up with in her head. “Hepburn will join you!”

“I will?”

“Ohhhh yes indeed,” Alexa replied, smirking.

Kurt glanced at his daughters, thinking of the shenanigans that they might be up to. He really wanted to make his husband’s birthday special, so finally he complied.

“Let’s hit the mall, sweetheart.”

* * *

 

 

“Alright, so we’re going to need some flour, eggs, butter, sugar, salt---“

“And icing,” Alexa said, taking the giant container out of the fridge. “Lots and lots of icing.” Lucy looked incredulously at Alexa.

“I thought we were baking a cake, not type two diabetes, you heathen,” Lucy criticized, refocusing her attention on the cooking instructions. Alexa rolled her eyes, walking over to their cupboard and pulling out the required ingredients, annoyed by her smart-ass of a sister.

“-what the hell is this?” she turned around and saw Lucy eyeing the flour.

“It’s flour, the stuff that Hepburn screamed at because she thought it was cocaine.”

“I know that, genius, but why is it bread flour?”

“Well what’s the difference, Einstein?” Alexa retorted, resisting the urge to punch her in the face otherwise Kurt and Blaine would ground her until she’s 30. Lucy pursed her lips, placing both of her hands on her hips.

“The difference, is that your numbskull of brain chose bread flour—which is specifically used for bread hence the goddamn name, instead of the all-purpose flour—which can be used for ALL. PURPOSES. Look it up, dumbass.”

“It’s flour. _Flour_ , Lucy,” Alexa said exasperatingly, knowing that her sister won’t step out from an argument.

“It’s Papa’s birthday and he clearly wouldn’t want his cake to be rock hard solid. Bread flour yields a completely different consistency than all-purpose flour--”

“If you’re such a skilled baker than why don’t you do it by yourself, know-it-all?!” “Oh that’s perfectly fine, good luck trying to find Papa a gift that will surmount my vanilla pound cake!” Lucy teased, smirking at her sister’s angry exit towards the door.

* * *

 

 

“What about this bowtie?”

“Gave it to him on our 6th wedding anniversary.”

“What about this one?”

“Last New Year’s Eve.”

“What about this—“

“27th birthday.”

Hepburn sighed, putting away all of the expensive bowties back on the rack. Kurt looked at her sympathetically, rubbing her back.

“I’m sorry. I really appreciate your help, I guess I don’t know how to wow an amazing person like your Papa,” Kurt said thoughtfully. Hepburn looked at her distressed father and shrugged.

“You wow him all the time, Dad,” Hepburn said, thinking of all the times her Papa gushed about Kurt whenever he wasn’t around. “No bowties, blazers, or Katy Perry albums can ever express the love that you have for him. He doesn’t need any of those things because he loves _you_.” Kurt looked at his daughter, shocked at the wise words that came out her very mouth. “I don’t know what any of those things I said meant, can you give me a recap, Dad?” He smiled, pulling her close and kissing her forehead.

“Want to go grab some lunch?” he asked, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

“Well how about we go to that section first?” Hepburn suggested, pointing at the intimates’ section on display. Kurt’s eyes widened at the idea, but was actually considering it, thinking of the fun that he and Blaine could possibly have. _I can’t do this in front of my child._

“Sweetheart, how about you go buy us some coffee?” Kurt asked, reaching in to his wallet.

“Yeah, sure. Grande non-fat mocha. You know, it was really cool that they named that order after Ariana Grande! She’s pretty talented, but she’s no Bernadette!” she said, taking the twenty dollar bill from Kurt, walking to Starbuck’s just across this store. Kurt smiled at his silly and impulsive child, before hastily going through the pile of lingerie.

_Try topping this present Mr. Hummel-Anderson._

* * *

 

 

Lucy mixed the batter very thoroughly, determined to spite her sister. After putting in the ingredients, being extremely cautious of the proportions. Using her advanced mathematical skills, she managed to mix the ingredients in the correct proportions, taking the bowl in her hands and pouring them on the baking pan. _Papa’s so going to love this_ , she thought.

“Hey sissy,” Alexa greeted, walking up the stairs with a paper bag in her hand.

“Hello, what do you have in the bag? Your dignity?” Lucy snorted, ignoring the middle finger aimed at her.

 

Alexa sneered at the comment. “No, yours actually,” she retorted. “It’s a bag of cronuts.” Lucy paused in the middle of heating the oven, looking at her sister. “You know, the things that Papa constantly binged on during our trip to New York. But as we all know, Dad is a major health freak so he forbid him from bringing any home. Well, I know a guy, I know a place, and here I am, about to kick your ass.” Lucy eyed her evil sister, and took a step forward.

“Papa sure loves cronuts,” Lucy said calmly, earning a triumphant nod from Alexa. “Maybe a little too much. You see, he was so obsessed with them that Dad even considered sending him to a rehabilitation due to the drastic weight Papa was gaining. If Dad knew that you were the one to get him re-hooked on the tasty and delectable pastry that could have potentially gotten qualified to star on TLC’s ‘My 600 LB Life’, he would ground you, kick you out, and force you to move in with Auntie Rachel and Uncle Finn” Lucy said deadpanned, walking over to her cake that was currently being baked.

Alexa looked at the bag of cronuts, thinking, _damn it. I can’t stand that egotistical and big-nosed freak of woman_ “Alright, alright. You win,” Alexa complied coolly, putting the bag down and lifting her hands up in surrender. “I guess we can give your dumb and stupid cake to Papa when he gets home.”

Lucy eyed her sister up and down reluctant to believe what she is hearing. She chuckled to herself in victory, murmuring, “imbecile” as she walked to the bathroom. Once she left, Alexa smirked to herself and walked up to the oven. She readjusted all the knobs, turning them and hoping the cake will combust before her smart sister finds out.

* * *

 

 

Blaine was exhausted. It was a lot of responsibility being the new principal of Dalton Academy and the Chief Coach for the Warblers. He had to attend every staff meeting that felt like an eternity, when really all he wanted was to go home to his three amazing kids and beautiful husband.

As he shut the car door, the smell of smoke brimming from the open kitchen window. Sprinting to the front door, he fumbled with his keys before opening the lock and slamming the door open, welcomed by the screaming of his daughters and the sound of the fire alarm going off.

“So you decided to risk the personal welfare of this damn house so you can get your revenge on me, well done, Alexa, WELL DONE,” Lucy snarled, clapping her hands slowly, clearly showing sarcasm in her tone.

“You ate the cronuts?! How could you?! I worked my ass off to get those for Papa!” Alexa growled.

Blaine stormed up the stairs, crossing his arms. “What the hell is going on in here?!” he fumed, grabbing the attention of his two bickering daughters. Their eyes widened in surprise.

“Oh lord, why does it smell like smoke in—“ Kurt paused as he walked inside, taking notice of his spouse and children, along with the burnt cake on the counter. Hepburn hid her present behind her back when she saw Blaine.

Initially furious, Blaine glanced at the now black pound cake and the expressions of guilt written on Alexa and Lucy’s faces. His face softened, grabbing their shoulders and pulling them close.

“You guys almost burnt down our family household for me?” he teased.

Lucy sighed, burying her face in Blaine’s neck in shame. “That wasn’t really the intention, I was actually quite the baker,” she murmured, glaring at her sister. Alexa refused to look at her, still angry about the cronut incident. Blaine chuckled at the rivalry between the two, ruffling their hairs and walking up to Kurt.

“Why hello, beautiful,” Blaine greeted, receiving a “happy birthday” and a kiss on the cheek from his husband. “Whatcha got for me, kiddo?” Hepburn gave him his present happily, excited for him to open it. Blaine laughed and hugged his daughter, lifting her up and spinning around.

“Ugh they got him cronuts too?!” Alexa choked incredulously while Lucy laughed at her in mockery. The troublemaker glared at her sister, before chasing her around the kitchen in fury.

* * *

 

 

“I have to be quite honest with you, this was not planned whatsoever. But the whole idea kind of dawned me when Hepburn pointed it out at the mall,” Kurt said once all the kids went to bed. Blaine furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, pulling the older man on top of him.

“What is it?” he asked. Kurt smirked seductively, taking Blaine’s hand and rested them on the waistline of his pants. Blaine slowly pulled them, suddenly revealing something that caused his breath to hitch.

Red lace.

_Fuck._

Kurt smiled as Blaine groped his ass through the thin fabric, swiftly connecting their lips together, muffling their moans as they grinded their hips together. Blaine rolled them over, now hovering over Kurt and pinning him down the mattress…

And that’s how Kurt became the reigning champion for best birthday present _ever_.

 

…

 

“Oh god, they’re going at it again. There goes my sleep… and my innocence.”

  


          

 


	2. First Day of Kindergarten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls are all hyped up for their very first day of school. Blaine is excited, but Kurt...

“Honey, did you grab Hepburn’s epi pen?!” Kurt called over to Blaine from the bathroom, brushing Lucy’s hair. “And don’t forget the lunchbox I packed for Alexa!”

“Where is it?”

“On the kitchen counter, it’s black and has purple stripes, and Lucy did you eat any breakfast yet? How about I fry some sausages and eggs for you, I could whip up some chocolate chip pancakes and—“

“Daddy!” Lucy shouted. “I already ate some waffles ten minutes ago.”

Kurt sighed, placing his hand against his chest in relief.

“Everything’s going to be alright, Daddy, we’re big girls now. At least I am, Hepburn still sleeps with her stuffed emu,” Lucy reassured when she took notice of her father’s worried state.

“I know, sweetie. I’m just a little stressed,” Kurt mumbled sadly, crouching on his knees to zip up Lucy’s coat. “Our babies are growing up so fast.”

“Kurt, they’re not going to leave us. It’s only kindergarten,” Blaine reassured. “-and as for the babies I would be more than happy to make more with you if you’d like.”

Kurt playfully smacked his hand away as his husband gently tapped his behind.

 Alexa continued squirming in her seat, adamant on getting to the school early. Out of all three of them, she was the most excited for school. It gave her a feeling of independence that her fathers won’t be there to cautiously be on the lookout for any supposed danger or trouble that might happen to them, even when it’s as simple as a “hi” from their friends.

“Papa, can we go now? We’re gonna be late!” she whined. Blaine chuckled and nodded, grabbing his car keys while the triplets made a bolt out the door, scampering down their white front porch and jumped inside their van.

 

* * *

 

“Okay girls,” Blaine grunted as he gently placed Lucy and Hepburn on the floor. “Gosh you’re getting too heavy for your old man.”

“Papa, you’re just using your age as an excuse since you haven’t hit the gym since last month,” Lucy quipped, smiling smugly. Lucy must have inherited that wit from somewhere… and it is definitely not from Blaine. 

“Anyways,” Blaine resumed playfully glaring at the five year old, “I want you all to be on your best behavior. Respect your teachers and play nice with your classmates. Alright, Alexa?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Alexa waved her hand dismissively. “Can we go now?”

“Not until you give us a hug,” Kurt pouted, spreading his arms out.

Once Kurt received a hug from both Lucy and Hepburn, he looked at Alexa who was standing there valiantly, smiling brightly.

“No hug from you, Alexa?” Kurt asked sadly.

“Nope,” she said. “I’m independent now. Independent people don’t need hugs.”

Alexa firmly shook Kurt’s hand and smiled, “Farewell.”

Kurt slumped in his posture, feeling dejected. Blaine waved to the girls as they head on off to their classrooms. Once they were out of the fathers’ sights they started to head on towards the exit, plowing their way through the swarm of parents.

Blaine was on cloud nine right now. Although he loves his girls to death, he couldn’t help but miss the acquitted feeling of being alone with Kurt. Now that they will be at home together, they are able to do anything: swear, hours long naps, loud sex, the notorious impromptu Klaine duet, **loud sex**.

Kurt on the other hand wanted something different. He had a whole day planned out for this morning: intense cuddling with Blaine while sobbing and binge eating all the ice cream from their fridge. That’s it.

As they were heading for the exit door, they heard a faint shout from behind them. Kurt turned around, wondering if the noise was directed at him.

“What the—OOH!”

A pair of small arms were wrapped around his neck, causing Kurt to almost lose his balance. Alexa sprinted towards her father to give him the hug they both needed.

“I’ll miss you Daddy,” Alexa whispered, hugging him tighter. Kurt kissed her head, bouncing her gently in his arms.

…

“Can you let me go now? I can’t breathe and it’s coloring time.”

 

 

 


	3. Spelling Bees and Lima Beans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucy competes in the Spelling Bee and Alexa gets off her lazy ass and finds a job.

“Alright kiddo, spell onomatopoeia.”

“O-N-O-M-A-T-O-P-O-E-I-A,” Lucy answered as she ate her pancake. Blaine looked impressed, smiling at his daughter and resumed to the list of challenging vocabulary that all seem foreign to him. “Idiosyncrasy.”

“I-D-I-O-S-Y-N-C-R-A-S-Y.”

“—WRONG! You’re gonna fail, Lucifer,” Alexa blustered as she walked in the kitchen.

“Oh my word, why are you so irritating? You’re like some cold sore that spreads around and won’t go away!”

“Lucy, behave. Alexandra, stop bothering your sister” Kurt admonished as he stirred his coffee. Alexa reached out to ruffle her sister’s hair, which Lucy avoided by harshly swatting her hand away. Kurt sat next to Blaine at their family dining table and put his arm around Lucy. “So what’s all this, Einstein?”

“I’ve been selected to compete in the National Ohio Spelling Bee,” she said proudly, realigning her glasses. “If I win I could be qualified to participate in the one in D.C.”

“Ooooh! Good luck!” Hepburn exclaimed with a mouthful of pancakes. “Wait that’s still in America, right?”

“Good for you, sis. You’re spelling skills are actually useful for something besides spell-checking mine and Hepburn’s papers,” Alexa laughed, which was cut off by Blaine’s suspicious look towards her. “...which we write entirely by ourselves.”

“Sure, princess.”

“But for once, I’m not so sure I’ll win,” Lucy gulped.

“And why’s that?” Kurt asked, as Lucy’s usual assertiveness began to falter. “It’s Ohio, sweetie. Let’s be real here.”

Lucy sighed, rolling her eyes. “I heard that there was this kid who is really smart,” Lucy said. “He goes to Dalton and has the highest GPA in his class, which is the exact same as mine. Everyone said that he was the most pretentious, ignorant, and disrespectful person to ever grace Dalton.”

“Really? I could name a few,” Kurt murmured, rolling his eyes as he sipped his mug of coffee.

“All he does is blab about how wealthy his family is and how no one could ever size up to him because of how intelligent he is, it’s disgusting.”

Blaine tried to narrow down each student that sounded similar to the description. Then it dawned on him as if a light bulb popped out of his head. “Wait, you’re talking about Frank Smythe, right?” Blaine asked. Lucy nodded. “Yep, profile fits like a puzzle piece.”

Kurt spat out his coffee, coughing violently as Blaine patted him on the back. He looked at his daughter in disbelief. “SMYTHE?! You’re kidding me, right?!” Kurt squeaked, standing up from the table. “That boy is related to the disgusting brute who tried to destroy my life?!”

Lucy nodded, still in shock from her father peculiar response. Blaine stared at Kurt sadly, as he knew how much his friend and his husband absolutely loathed each other. He couldn’t say anything, as he and Sebastian still remained neutral friends, as for Kurt, ‘forgive and forget’ is not in his frame of mind. “Is there something I should know?” she asked both of her parents.

Blaine said “no” the same time Kurt said “yes”. They stared at each other, not knowing how to explain their long history with the former Warbler.

Kurt sat down calmly, gently taking the paper from Blaine and looked at his daughter. “Autochthonous, go.” _This boy is going down._

* * *

 

“Hepburn, I need you to loan me some money.” Hepburn looked at her sister incredulously as she was in the middle of sewing her costume for her upcoming Beauty and the Beast musical. “Come on, sis I promise I’ll—“

“Alexa! This has been the seventh time this week that you have asked me for money!”

“Today’s only Sunday.”

“What? I thought it was Tuesday.”

“Hepburn, we would be in school right now—“

“My point is, you need to stop asking me for money! I’ve seen what girls our age do with the money, they use it to buy that powdery white stuff in an alleyway and then shove it up their nostrils.”

“You mean cocaine right?” Alexa asked as she shot her a “really?” look.

“Cocaine? I thought we were just talking about sugar.”

Alexa rolled her eyes in annoyance at her sister’s sensibility, placing a hand on her hip. “I just want to dye my hair, the pink is starting to fade out. I don’t want to get the cheap shit from Target that fades out in a week. Like, I need the high quality brand but it’s expensive.” The fifteen year old sported a pastel pink bob cut after watching Naruto and was in awe of Sakura’s awesome hairdo. When she showed both of her parents the next day, she earned a congratulatory high five from Blaine, and a deafening shriek from Kurt, who didn’t seem as excited about the new makeover.

“Have you told Dad or Papa?”

“Papa wouldn’t care much, but as for Dad, he will flip shit. When he saw that I dyed my hair, he was absolutely livid. He made me polish his entire collection of Louboutin oxfords for a month but whatever, it’s still worth it,” Alexa said nonchalantly, as she was used to the countless chores Kurt and Blaine give her as punishment.

Whenever the girls were grounded, their Dad would come up with a chore for them to do every day when they got home. It wasn’t difficult to say the least but it was incredibly tedious and required them to give up their whole weekend. Usually it was such as ironing all of his Alexander McQueen shirts, organizing all his hair products in alphabetical order and so forth. Knowing that he was an extreme perfectionist, it was crucial that these tasks were done with precision and care. Once they were completed, the teenager was eventually forgiven and Kurt finally conceded to the hair dye, commenting that she should at least wear a cute outfit to create a nice color palette.

Hepburn sighed, turning off the machine to face her sister. “Look, if you want money so bad, then get a job.” Alexa groaned, as she has heard this suggestion one too many times from her family.  “I think they’re looking for some baristas at the Lima Bean, you have to be fifteen or older to apply. You should consider it.”

“What if I don’t want to?” Alexa asked, crossing her defiantly, as if she was being told to clean her room by the two fathers.

“Then you could always give me a foot rub.”

“Ew, no. “

“Or clean Papa and Dad’s bedroom, they have some pretty weird stuff in there. Last week I found a whip under their bed and—“

“Woah, details Hepburn!” Alexa shrieked, scrunching her face in disgust. “Okay fine! I’ll go to the cafe and apply for that damn job. Only because I might get a discount on their bagels.”

Hepburn nodded approvingly, turning the sewing machine back on and resumed stitching and embellishing her Belle costume.. Alexa trudged up the stairs, once again scarred at the thought of her parents’ sex life.

_A whip, huh, I guess that explains why Dad was limping around the house that morning... UGH! I swear to god this hair dye has been messing my brain up._

* * *

 

“What? A Saturday detention?!”

“You heard me, this has been the fourth unexcused tardy this week,” Blaine said sternly, taking a sip of his coffee. “This also means that you're not allowed to participate in this week’s rehearsal.”

“This is garbage!” the student exclaimed. “Principal Hummel-Anderson--”

“Say no more. You are expected to be in this school Saturday morning and will not be permitted to attend Warbler practice tonight, my decision is final. I will be looking for some improvement in your time management,” Blaine said with a rigid face, not batting an eyelash. “Get to class. Now.”

The student stood up and hastily shuffled out of his office, not looking back at the intimidating principal. Blaine chuckled to himself, continuing to organize all of the copious paperwork that was cluttered on his desk. It was ironic how he could tame a swarm of defiant teenage boys, but could not control three of his own children at home.

His thoughts momentarily came to a pause when he heard a knock on his door. “Come in.”

Blaine jumped at the sudden slam of the door opening.“You need to fire Ms. McLean IMMEDIATELY,” the student spat, carrying clumps of shredded up paper in both fists.

 _I hope the door didn’t damage the wall_ , Blaine pondered for a moment, before recomposing himself. He cleared his throat. “Is there a reason why, Mister Smythe?”

“She gave me a 99.71 as my final Chemistry grade for the semester because of my lab report,” Frank growled, clenching his fists. “She deducted points because one of the calculations from my data table missed a decimal point, which apparently threw off the entire experiment. Can you believe her?! Her teaching methods are completely irrational and are preventing me from reaching my fullest potential.”

“I'm sure Ms. McLean’s intentions are meant to help you improve, and you have lots of capabilities to do so. Instead of whining about your setbacks, find a way to prevent them,” Blaine explained coolly. “I'm not firing anyone, Mister Smythe. Now if you're done wasting my time, get back to your class.”

Frank stood up from the chair and stormed towards the exit. It was not fair. Every assignment that he did needed to be perfect. It was his duty as a student and an only child to exceed the expectations that was being required of him.

“Oh and one more thing.” Frank turned around, waiting for a reply. “Good luck at the Spelling Bee,” Blaine said, giving him a halfhearted grin.

Frank scoffed, rolling his eyes as if the statement was an unintelligible answer to a geography question.“With all due respect Mr. Hummel-Anderson, thank you but no thank you,” he quipped. Blaine looked at the boy as if he just got slapped, taken aback by the snarky reply. “Saying good luck is insinuating that I actually need it, but looking at the competition, I think we can both say that my brains will blow this event out of the park.”

“I wouldn't say it too soon, Francis. There are some students who have an equal chance of winning as you,” Blaine said calmly, trying his hardest not to start a petty argument.

“Please, as if!” If Blaine wasn't a well respected principal, he would have leaned over his desk and smacked this boy upside the head. He doesn’t know if it  was because his daughter was being indirectly disparaged or that he was just a pure jackass, most likely both. “This place is full of absolute morons who cannot distinguish their right foot from their left. I don't know about you, but it's quite hard trying to find an intellect like me here in this pigsty, but I guess that’s just the downside of intelligence. Anyways I got to head on back to my Euro class, until then, see you later.”

Frank leisurely strolled out of the office, earning a scowl from the principal once he was out the door. It was so unlike Blaine to be so ill-tempered, and shocking that he could be so patient with his daughters for fifteen years but had to fight the urge to decapitate the Warbler in the span of five minutes. But then again, _he’s a Smythe._

* * *

 

The smell of brewed coffee and pastries wafted through the atmosphere as Alexa stepped into the cafe, overwhelmed by the strong aroma. She was quite nervous, afraid of the impression that she might leave upon the manager.

She walked up to the counter, clearing her throat at the man working the coffee brewer. “Why hello! Can I help you?” he asked.

Alexa nodded hesitantly, running a shaking hand through her faded pink locks.“Uh yeah, I’m interested in applying for a job here, and I was wondering where the manager is.”

“And your name is?”

“Alexa Hummel-Anderson.”

All of the barista’s movements came to a complete halt as he eyed the fifteen year old skeptically. He walked around the counter and circulated around Alexa discerningly, like a hawk observing its prey.

“Your Hummel’s kid?” he finally asked in disbelief. Alexa nodded, awkwardly trying to avoid eye contact from the interrogation. “Well I got to be honest, I’ve always imagined Hummel’s daughter to be some china doll with her hair all primped up, sporting some pink petticoat dress, knee high socks, and a good ol’ pair of Mary Janes like the cherry on top of a sundae. But instead what we have here is the pink chick from Lazy Town who tried her first blunt and hasn’t been the same ever since.”

 _I don’t how to respond to that_ , Alexa thought, so instead she replied with a meek, “Thanks?”

“Anytime, kiddo. By the way, I’m Sheldon. You can call me Beiste though, ‘cause you know, that’s what I am. I’ll be back right away to give you your application form and then we can start scheduling an interview and find you a position.”

“Alright, sounds great,” Alexa said, grinning.

“Wait right there, Hummel’s kid.”

“I have a name.”

Beiste turned around and looked at the girl deadpanned. “Damn right you do, and it’s ‘Hummel’s kid’.”

“Alright, sorry.”

* * *

 

Lucy kept pacing around the vacant corridor in a circle, impatiently waiting for the competition to begin. She yanked out her pocket dictionary from her wornout leather satchel and hastily flipped through the pages to mentally absorb as many words as she can possibly can.

Luckily, her Papa eventually found her in the vacant hallway and took notice of the brunette’s tense state. “Everything alright, princess?”

“No, nothing’s alright, Papa,” Lucy murmured as she skimmed through the book. “I don’t why I am so nervous. It’s not hard to beat my classmates considering the fact that it’s OHIO. I’m usually so well composed and calm during other school comps like my debates, speeches, and presentations. And this is some stupid and rigged Spelling Bee where I can easily weed out the neanderthals I call my classmates. But there is something about this Frank guy that intimidates me. I’ve never had competition before now that I’m competing with him, we are neck and neck. I basically have little to no friends, Papa. My academic reputation is the only thing I have going for me, I can’t let someone else take that away from me.”

Blaine winced at the voice crack at the end. He walked over and engulfed her in a comforting hug. “You are an intelligent and beautiful girl, nobody can _ever_ take that away from you. Okay?” Lucy nodded feebly as he gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Come on, they provided some fruit punch for us.”

*

“Hey, Kurt!”

Oh no, Kurt thought as he turned around and saw the meerkat in the flesh. OH NO.

“Sebastian!” Kurt exclaimed with cheer, hoping that the floor would swallow him whole during this very moment. “Fancy seeing you here. How is everything?”

Sebastian shrugged, adjusting his tie as he took a seat next to the countertenor. “Well much to your dismay, I am actually doing pretty great. I prepared my little one quite well for this event, he is readier than a sizzling sirloin steak on a BBQ grill.”

“Did you sizzle it the way you sizzled my husband’s eye sockets in high school?” Kurt murmured under his breath.

“What?”

Kurt turned around and gave him a snide grin. “Oh nothing. Just reminiscing the good days.”

Sebastian nodded casually, pretending not to be offended by the hostility. “Your child competing?”

“Yes she is. I believe she is going to steal the show.”

“Like how you stole Blaine away from me?”

Enough’s enough, Kurt thought. He faced his archnemesis and looked at him straight in the eye. “Let me rephrase that: my daughter is going to win this thing because she _earned_ it. Not because she was injected with human growth hormones or threw rock salt at someone’s eye, but because she has plowed through some hard obstacles and worked her ass off to get where she is right now. She is not some sleazy little brat who cheats her way into getting what she wants--my husband and I raised her better than that.”

“Are you implying that my son is a cheater?” Sebastian snapped. “For your needed information, he is a well behaved gentleman who works just as hard as your kid--maybe even harder.”

“Tell that to Blaine who constantly has to tolerate him barging in his office to complain about his grades.”

“He advocates for himself and stands up for what he believes is right, Hummel.”

“Having a big ego and advocating for yourself are two completely different things,” Kurt retaliated. Hepburn and Alexa stared at their Dad from afar trying to hold in their laughter because arguing with Kurt Hummel is like entering a bullfight wearing a red bodysuit costume.

Sebastian glared at him in fury, resisting the urge to start a smackdown. “You son of a--”

“Welcome to the annual Ohio Spelling Bee!”

The conversation finally came to an end, and the two men sat awkwardly in silence as they waited for the event to begin.

*

Ethan Hawthorne, your word is Czechoslovakia, as in the former country from Central Europe.”

“C-H-E-C-K-O-S-L-O-V-A-K-I-A, Czechoslovakia.”

Frank let out an audible stifled laughter, who was sitting right behind Lucy. Lucy shot him a glare as she turned around, clearly not sharing the same amusement for the boy’s mistake. Frank blushed, slumping in his seat in embarrassment.

“I’m sorry but that is incorrect, please be careful walking down the steps.”

There were 24 students to begin with. After 20 minutes, the number was already dropping like flies. There are now 4 students still in the running to qualify for the National Spelling Bee in D.C.

“Lucy Hummel-Anderson, you’re up.”

Lucy sat ramrod in her seat, always dreading for this moment to come. She stood up from her chair, barely because her legs were shaking and could cause her to collapse at any second. She walked over to the microphone stand and looked for her family in the audience. She spotted Alexa who was standing behind the rows of seats.

“Kick their ass,” the girl mouthed to her sister standing onstage, kicking one leg in the air as a gesture.

“Lucy, your word is baccalaureate, a noun for a religious service held before commencement day.”

“Baccalaureate, B-A-C-C-A-L-A-U-R-E-A-T-E,” Lucy said with ease. That word was a piece of cake, she thought.

“That is correct. Thank you, Lucy,” the moderator said as the audience applauded. Lucy bowed awkwardly before sitting down in her seat.

As time progresses, the number has finally narrowed down to two: Lucy and Frank.

The event has intensified even further. Both have been spelling each word correctly for the past _two hours_ all of the parents, students, and teachers watched them continue to go at it with bated breath and sweaty hands.

“Oh my god,” Sebastian murmured wide-eyed. “Our kids are on fire.”

“No kidding,” Kurt replied with the same emotion plastered on his face. Blaine honestly wanted to go home and sleep but he persisted on staying fully alarm and awake because he was not going to miss his daughter beating the shit out of that little weasel. Figuratively of course, unfortunately not literally though.

“Frank Smythe,” the moderator said, holding back a yawn. _I don’t get paid enough for this_ , he thought. “Your word is tintinnabulation, a noun for the sound of a bell ringing."

Frank took a deep breath, wiping his sweaty palms on the sides of his pants. _That is disgusting, you’re making a fool out of yourself. Don’t screw up in front of her._ “T-I-N-T-A-N-N-A-B-U-L-A-T-I-O-N,” he answered shakily, closing his eyes shut in cringe.

There was a silence in the room. Lucy stared at the boy aghast at the realization.

“I am sorry, Frank but that is incorrect. If Lucy can get this word correct, then this event is over,” the teacher said. _If she gets this wrong then I am quitting my job cold turkey._

Hepburn cocked her head to the side in confusion. She doesn’t even know the differences between there, their, and they’re so she is just hopeless. Kurt and Blaine looked at each other with the same expression, predicting what was going to happen next. Sebastian looked around for any indication of his son had any chance. But there were none.

“T-I-N-T-I-N-N-A-B-U-L-A-T-I-O-N, Tintinnabulation.”

*

“MY LITTLE GIRL!” Blaine cheered spinning the teen around like he would when she was five.

“Thanks Papa, but can you put me down now?” Lucy rasped. Her air supply was now being constricted by Blaine’s tight embrace, but she didn’t mind being smothered by her parents abundant pride for her.

Eventually he put her down and ruffled her hair. She then walked over to her Dad who was waiting for her with open arms. Lucy accepted the offer when she buried herself in Kurt’s more gentle hugs. “We’re so proud of you, sweetheart,” Kurt gushed, combing her tousled hair through his fingers. “Even if you didn’t win, we would still be just as proud.”

“Thanks, Dad,” Lucy muffled against the fabric of his shirt. When they pulled apart, Lucy received a pat on the shoulder from Alexa as well as a hug from Hepburn.

Several other people have given their congrats to her as she walked through the crowd. Her savoring of the victory came to an end when she found Frank in the corner, receiving a scolding of disapproval from his not so happy father. For some weird reason, her chest felt a pang of sympathy for the teen considering that she likes to think that she has no heart nor emotions.

Something compelled her to walk up to him once Sebastian left, give him a smile and say to him, “Great job out there.”

Frank’s eyes brightened as he came face to face with her. He offered his now sweaty hand out for her to shake. “Um-uh, thank you very much. You too, you were great--when you were onstage I mean. Spelling and all that--wait that sounded stupid. I meant that you were great onstage when you were trying to spell because, you know, you’re really smart. Not that I would know but um, from what I saw uh, you _seemed_ really smart when you were um...spelling,” he said as he blushed profusely, staring at the ground when he finished.

Lucy grinned at him, trying not to burst into laughter at his attempt to remain composed. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Frank murmured, avoiding eye contact in embarrassment. “Soooo uh, I was thinking--and you don’t have to say yes but uh, would you like to...watch a movie or have dinner with me when you’re not busy?”

Lucy was speechless. She has never been asked out on a date by a boy before. She would try having a conversation with them but they would either walk away in disgust or say that their phone is ringing and that the call was urgent then they would leave. Apparently none of them wanted to have an intellectual conversation about the reproductive cycle of a moss that she read in her AP biology textbook. “I would really like that,” she breathed out, smiling widely.

“Great! So uh, would you like my number? Or do you want to give me yours? I wouldn’t want to call or text you when you’re busy--unless you want me to? IT’S UP TO YOU,” he babbled.

“You can just give me yours,” Lucy answered, giving him her cell phone so he can add his number into her contacts. “So is it a date?”

“Yeah,” he smiled, feeling a sense of hope that he hasn’t felt in a long time. “A date.”

* * *

 “I gotta say, Hummel’s kid. You’re quite the catch,” Beiste said as Alexa was getting ready to go home. “You seem to pick up on things very fast here, even though you spilled coffee all over one of our regular customer’s shirt. But that’s alright because she never gives us tip anyways.”

Alexa scoffed and waved her hand dismissively. “Don’t mention it. I gotta get home soon, dinner starts at 6. My dad is baking some celebratory cake for my sister.”

“Of course, you have a good one okay?”

Alexa walked towards the door as soon as she saw her Papa pull in to pick her up. “You too.”

“And tell Kurt and Blaine I said hello.”

“Will do.”

As she opened the driver’s seat to the car, Beiste can see part of Blaine’s face from the headlights illuminating the inside. He waved at the former Warbler, hoping that after more than 10 years Blaine still remembered the former football coach from McKinley. And he did.

He smiled and waved back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any suggestions/ideas for me, please comment down below! Thank you for reading!


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